And sometimes things get better

After the last post, I felt I had to address the follow-up.
Kevin and I spent a lot of time discussing how best to approach what happened last week. We knew we'd see the comment-maker (CM from here on out) yesterday and felt like things needed to be addressed in a healthy and non-attacking way. We discussed word choice, who would lead the conversation, and where to draw the line vs. give them a break. The decision was made to wait until after most everyone had left and talk privately. It turned out to be unnecessary planning on our part.

We arrived and only a few minutes after getting there, CM sat down by me and said, "I said something very unkind and hurtful last week and while it wasn't my intention to hurt you, I am sorry I did." I thanked them for the apology and explained that comments like that hurt our feelings and make us question how our little girl will be accepted by our family. CM started getting a bit defensive (I was prepared for this) and said that I was reading things into the comment that were not intended. I told CM that while it was not intended, it hurts us and we need them to think through what they say before it comes out of their mouth. CM agreed, apologized again, and things are a bit better now.

Thanks for all the support, suggestions, and rage on our behalf. It sounds odd, but it helps to know that other people realize how inappropriate some comments can be. We worry about being overly sensitive these days.

Now lets all move on, shall we? I'm sure we'll get more crazy comments and we'll be sure to share funny things, but I am ready to focus on what's important. This friday is our fingerprint appointment. After that it should be a couple weeks until we get I800a approval. Once we get all the documents certified, our paperwork will go to our agency for a review and then on to China. Once we have our LID (log in date) from China we can be matched!!!!

We had an Easter egg hunt yesterday since many of the kids were sick last week and while all the kids were running around trying to find candy and the prized silver egg (which contained candy) my sis-in-law said, "Hey, next year your little girl will be running around screaming too." I guess I hadn't realized that is more than likely the case. I've been so used to counting down holidays with many numbers in front of them (only 3 more Mother's Days, still 2 more Christmases, etc) that it's odd to have a zero in front of the event. Is it really going to be less than a year now? Fingers crossed!

The good, the bad, and...well, you know.

Ups and downs all over the place!

In extra happy news, we got our fingerprint notice the other day. We are about 2 weeks ahead of most of the people with our same filing date, which is awesome! Basically, the I800-A is approval from USCIS to bring a foreign born child into the country. Once we get matched we will have to fill out an I800 which is permission to bring a specific child in. Once we get fingerprinted it should only be another week or so until we get approval.

Here's the basic process we have left:
-Finish getting paperwork notarized
-Secretary of State has to certify the notary
- US Dept. of State Authentication has to authenticate the Secretary of State
- Chinese Embassy has to authenticate the Dept. of State
-THEN the dossier can go to our agency and be reviewed before being sent to China

It may not seem like it, but we are so close! Another month and a half, probably.

Not everything has been great, however. I'm not going to name names, but a very close family member made a "joke" on Easter that I'm still figuring out how to address. We were being asked if we had any children and I said, "Not yet." (standard response. I then don't say anything more since most of the time I don't need to and I figure it's not really their business). This family member then felt the need to chime in with:
"Oh, they're buying a baby."
me- "Ok, that is a joke that never needs to be made by you again." (It's not the first time it's happened)
f.m. - "Sorry, I mean they are purchasing a baby."

At that point I just walked away and didn't talk to them anymore. This was said to older relatives of mine who I had met maybe once before when I was 10, and in front of my cousin's girlfriend who is from China as well as the rest of my family. The person in question has said they are very supportive of our decision and is excited for us to bring our baby home. Now, I don't know what to make of their behavior.

Here's the deal. I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Jokes like this are never ever funny. They are mean spirited, hurtful, and demeaning. We are no more buying a baby than anyone who pays hospital/doctor's bills after childbirth is. Many Chinese believe that Americans are buying babies and treating them poorly and jokes like this don't exactly change the view. It's impossible to protect her against every hurtful thing that people will say, but I expect her family members to behave better than strangers. Too much to ask?

In addition to all that, you can seriously damage the chances of the family being able to adopt at all. Our homestudy says that our families are extremely supportive of our decision to adopt and will treat our daughter the same as everyone else. Now I feel like that has been made untrue. Perhaps I am overreacting, but we would have some problems if our social worker heard about this. I don't think she would cancel our paperwork at this point, but we'd probably have some serious talks about whether our family was really able to provide an emotionally safe environment for our daughter.

It's hit a point where this is no longer just a minor issue that can be brushed off. We have to have a serious discussion with this person and let them know that their behavior must be changed if they wish to be around our daughter. I don't feel comfortable letting her be around family that could say things like this. I just don't know what to say when we do talk or how to even broach the subject. Help?