Kevin here! I know, I write maybe one in five posts here, and those probably go unnoticed except by those intrepid readers who notice the faint "Posted by... " text at the bottom of each post. This probably means I will love our daughter 1/5 as much as Jen will.
Anyway, WE GOT THE LETTER OF APPROVAL! We got it a few days ago. This is big, huge, gigantic news. This is the fulcrum of the massive lever of paperwork involved in getting her here. Everything before this was the application process, and everything else after this is just hammering out details. This marks China's official blessing for us to come and bring our little girl home.
I got to sign it. It was on really fancy paper with shiny watermarks and everything.
So we're headed into the final lap of this three-plus-year marathon! Exciting things are certainly afoot, but I've been slowly coming to the realization of how completely clueless I am. I'm sure this will sound trite to those who have experienced parenthood already, but there's a tiny part of me that's freaking out that I'm going to travel to a foreign country and they're going to hand me this tiny person and I'm supposed to just know what to do. There are a few steps missing in my brain between "change first diaper" and "attend MIT graduation."
I'm probably looking at this the wrong way, and I have a feeling other parents will tell me that this is all part of the grand adventure. I have a grand confession to make, though, and I don't want to shock anyone or send anyone calling the authorities: I have never changed a diaper. Ever. My experience in the daily operations of turning a human larva into a viable adult is surprisingly limited considering the sheer volume of younglings present at any given family gathering on either side.
Last weekend, Jen and I had the opportunity to babysit her brother's kids overnight while they had a night out. Neither of us had babysat anyone since we were both maybe 13, so we were both a bit nervous. Jen's nephews are two boys, 4 and 6, who are remarkably self-contained, for lack of a better term. We played in a tent set up in the living room, played a game of "wolves vs. tacos" (don't ask), watched Cars 2 (way better than the first one, I thought), made brownies, and goofed around with our two dogs.
Right at 7:30, we announced it was time to get ready for bed and they both went straight to get their jammies on, brush their teeth, pick a book to be read, and say their prayers without complaint (I should note here that the younger one made sure to thank God for the robots and the dinosaurs).
The next morning, one of our dogs was whining to be let outside at about 6:15 a.m. When I got downstairs from the guest bedroom where we were sleeping, I saw a strange glowing light in the corner. When my eyes focused, I saw that it was the older boy who had awakened, went downstairs, found his dad's iPad and was quietly playing a game, sitting on the heater vent under a blanket. We never heard a sound, even though he had to walk right past where we were sleeping.
When their parents got home the next morning, we had one burning question: how did you do that?
These are the questions that sometimes sneak into the edges of my waking thoughts. I already love that little girl and want to be the best dad ever. In the meantime, I'm more excited about China and finally SQUISHING THOSE CHEEKS (after an appropriate adjustment period) then ever before.
We're coming, Eleanor!!
Showing posts with label process. Show all posts
Showing posts with label process. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The good, the bad, and...well, you know.
Ups and downs all over the place!
In extra happy news, we got our fingerprint notice the other day. We are about 2 weeks ahead of most of the people with our same filing date, which is awesome! Basically, the I800-A is approval from USCIS to bring a foreign born child into the country. Once we get matched we will have to fill out an I800 which is permission to bring a specific child in. Once we get fingerprinted it should only be another week or so until we get approval.
Here's the basic process we have left:
-Finish getting paperwork notarized
-Secretary of State has to certify the notary
- US Dept. of State Authentication has to authenticate the Secretary of State
- Chinese Embassy has to authenticate the Dept. of State
-THEN the dossier can go to our agency and be reviewed before being sent to China
It may not seem like it, but we are so close! Another month and a half, probably.
Not everything has been great, however. I'm not going to name names, but a very close family member made a "joke" on Easter that I'm still figuring out how to address. We were being asked if we had any children and I said, "Not yet." (standard response. I then don't say anything more since most of the time I don't need to and I figure it's not really their business). This family member then felt the need to chime in with:
"Oh, they're buying a baby."
me- "Ok, that is a joke that never needs to be made by you again." (It's not the first time it's happened)
f.m. - "Sorry, I mean they are purchasing a baby."
At that point I just walked away and didn't talk to them anymore. This was said to older relatives of mine who I had met maybe once before when I was 10, and in front of my cousin's girlfriend who is from China as well as the rest of my family. The person in question has said they are very supportive of our decision and is excited for us to bring our baby home. Now, I don't know what to make of their behavior.
Here's the deal. I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Jokes like this are never ever funny. They are mean spirited, hurtful, and demeaning. We are no more buying a baby than anyone who pays hospital/doctor's bills after childbirth is. Many Chinese believe that Americans are buying babies and treating them poorly and jokes like this don't exactly change the view. It's impossible to protect her against every hurtful thing that people will say, but I expect her family members to behave better than strangers. Too much to ask?
In addition to all that, you can seriously damage the chances of the family being able to adopt at all. Our homestudy says that our families are extremely supportive of our decision to adopt and will treat our daughter the same as everyone else. Now I feel like that has been made untrue. Perhaps I am overreacting, but we would have some problems if our social worker heard about this. I don't think she would cancel our paperwork at this point, but we'd probably have some serious talks about whether our family was really able to provide an emotionally safe environment for our daughter.
It's hit a point where this is no longer just a minor issue that can be brushed off. We have to have a serious discussion with this person and let them know that their behavior must be changed if they wish to be around our daughter. I don't feel comfortable letting her be around family that could say things like this. I just don't know what to say when we do talk or how to even broach the subject. Help?
In extra happy news, we got our fingerprint notice the other day. We are about 2 weeks ahead of most of the people with our same filing date, which is awesome! Basically, the I800-A is approval from USCIS to bring a foreign born child into the country. Once we get matched we will have to fill out an I800 which is permission to bring a specific child in. Once we get fingerprinted it should only be another week or so until we get approval.
Here's the basic process we have left:
-Finish getting paperwork notarized
-Secretary of State has to certify the notary
- US Dept. of State Authentication has to authenticate the Secretary of State
- Chinese Embassy has to authenticate the Dept. of State
-THEN the dossier can go to our agency and be reviewed before being sent to China
It may not seem like it, but we are so close! Another month and a half, probably.
Not everything has been great, however. I'm not going to name names, but a very close family member made a "joke" on Easter that I'm still figuring out how to address. We were being asked if we had any children and I said, "Not yet." (standard response. I then don't say anything more since most of the time I don't need to and I figure it's not really their business). This family member then felt the need to chime in with:
"Oh, they're buying a baby."
me- "Ok, that is a joke that never needs to be made by you again." (It's not the first time it's happened)
f.m. - "Sorry, I mean they are purchasing a baby."
At that point I just walked away and didn't talk to them anymore. This was said to older relatives of mine who I had met maybe once before when I was 10, and in front of my cousin's girlfriend who is from China as well as the rest of my family. The person in question has said they are very supportive of our decision and is excited for us to bring our baby home. Now, I don't know what to make of their behavior.
Here's the deal. I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Jokes like this are never ever funny. They are mean spirited, hurtful, and demeaning. We are no more buying a baby than anyone who pays hospital/doctor's bills after childbirth is. Many Chinese believe that Americans are buying babies and treating them poorly and jokes like this don't exactly change the view. It's impossible to protect her against every hurtful thing that people will say, but I expect her family members to behave better than strangers. Too much to ask?
In addition to all that, you can seriously damage the chances of the family being able to adopt at all. Our homestudy says that our families are extremely supportive of our decision to adopt and will treat our daughter the same as everyone else. Now I feel like that has been made untrue. Perhaps I am overreacting, but we would have some problems if our social worker heard about this. I don't think she would cancel our paperwork at this point, but we'd probably have some serious talks about whether our family was really able to provide an emotionally safe environment for our daughter.
It's hit a point where this is no longer just a minor issue that can be brushed off. We have to have a serious discussion with this person and let them know that their behavior must be changed if they wish to be around our daughter. I don't feel comfortable letting her be around family that could say things like this. I just don't know what to say when we do talk or how to even broach the subject. Help?
Friday, January 21, 2011
She Knows Too Much
Wow! Our readership has QUINTUPLED since my last post! I guess this means we've finally become internet famous.
Monday, the house was cleaner than it had been in months. By the time I came home from work on Tuesday, I may have needed an electron microscope to find any rogue dirt molecules, Jen having imposed her mighty Will of Order onto things that once lay in disarray. Only the Evil Hairy Ones roamed about, leaving a trail of filth upon the living room rug. We were ready for the home study.
Well, that's not really true... I had no idea what to expect. My imagination conjured up a stern-looking cadre of inspectors, clipboards in hand, frowning down the lengths of their noses while they delved deep into our worst childhood memories, sighing while shaking their heads and making notes that they were not only going to confiscate our dogs, but recommend that we be given charge over no organism more complicated than a plant.
Plus, they all kind of looked like the evil elementary school teacher from Invader Zim:
In reality, Suzanne (the social worker) and Jen were laughing when I walked in the door. She turned out to be a very warm, friendly and caring person, genuinely motivated to help us create the right kind of environment to raise a daughter born in another land. She looked around the house briefly, only concerned that there wasn't a smoke detector near the kitchen. Guess what's on my weekend project list?
The interviews were brief and interesting. She asked things such as how we would describe our parents, how well we got along with our siblings, how we met, what kind of discipline methods we planned on using, what our hobbies were (choice quote about the '80s new wave / rock cover band I play for: "Bleh... you only like '80s music because you're too young to have been around for the '60s, when all the good music came out."), etc. Where I expected a deep excavation into my subconscious and harsh judgment of our every moral failing, there was laughter, learning, and encouragement.
Suzanne, having several internationally adopted kids of her own, knows a thing or two about keeping a loving home and good parenting. She left us with a book to read on China's adoption program, some websites to start our parental training, and some renewed perspective.
-- Kevin
Monday, the house was cleaner than it had been in months. By the time I came home from work on Tuesday, I may have needed an electron microscope to find any rogue dirt molecules, Jen having imposed her mighty Will of Order onto things that once lay in disarray. Only the Evil Hairy Ones roamed about, leaving a trail of filth upon the living room rug. We were ready for the home study.
Well, that's not really true... I had no idea what to expect. My imagination conjured up a stern-looking cadre of inspectors, clipboards in hand, frowning down the lengths of their noses while they delved deep into our worst childhood memories, sighing while shaking their heads and making notes that they were not only going to confiscate our dogs, but recommend that we be given charge over no organism more complicated than a plant.
Plus, they all kind of looked like the evil elementary school teacher from Invader Zim:
Above: those judging, judging eyes
In reality, Suzanne (the social worker) and Jen were laughing when I walked in the door. She turned out to be a very warm, friendly and caring person, genuinely motivated to help us create the right kind of environment to raise a daughter born in another land. She looked around the house briefly, only concerned that there wasn't a smoke detector near the kitchen. Guess what's on my weekend project list?
The interviews were brief and interesting. She asked things such as how we would describe our parents, how well we got along with our siblings, how we met, what kind of discipline methods we planned on using, what our hobbies were (choice quote about the '80s new wave / rock cover band I play for: "Bleh... you only like '80s music because you're too young to have been around for the '60s, when all the good music came out."), etc. Where I expected a deep excavation into my subconscious and harsh judgment of our every moral failing, there was laughter, learning, and encouragement.
Suzanne, having several internationally adopted kids of her own, knows a thing or two about keeping a loving home and good parenting. She left us with a book to read on China's adoption program, some websites to start our parental training, and some renewed perspective.
-- Kevin
Friday, January 7, 2011
Programs and Dreams
We've gotten a lot of questions about this (and I do mean a lot!) so I thought I would talk a bit about the two programs.
Traditional:
About 95% of the children are girls. The kids are usually 6-18 months old (the first 6 months, China tries to find the birth parents/relatives, or get the child adopted domestically) at the time of referral and are considered healthy. Healthy is a relative term here. Almost all of China's orphans reside in orphanages, not foster care. A typical orphanage has many children and only so many care givers (women who are called aunties) and as such adoptive parents have to help their new children overcome issues such as development delays and bonding issues.
The popularity of this program has lead to some major delays. A few years ago, things started slowing down from 8-12 month wait to several years wait. It only gets longer each month. To give you an idea, when Kevin and I started looking into adopting, the wait was up to 3 years. It's now up to about 5 years. Families that submitted their dossier in June of 2006 are still waiting for their children.
Waiting Child:
These are children that China considers special needs. Now before you start fanning yourself and searching for your fainting couch, be advised that what China considers special needs, we wouldn't. Many are correctable, minor issues such as heart murmurs, cleft lip, facial birth marks, etc. Being over a certain age is considered a special need. There are, of course, more major needs as well, but agencies allow you to fill out paperwork indicating which special needs you would consider as well as the severity.
In this program, there are actually slightly more boys than girls (about 60%/40%) and the children range in age from 6 months up to 13 years. At 13 years old, children are no longer considered eligible for adoption and essentially become wards of the state, typically living in the orphanage and getting little education and fewer opportunities. The wait time is anywhere from 1-12 months after your dossier to China (DTC) date.
How it works, is the CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) puts out a list of waiting children to the agencies called a shared list. They will also send out small lists designated for specific agencies every few months. The agency looks at the parents requests and matches them to a child on the list. Essentially, they call "dibs" by locking down the file, which makes it so no one else can access the file, then they call the adoptive parents and release the file information to them. The parents can accept or reject the file, but they typically only have 72 hours to decide. If they reject the file, it unlocks and someone else can adopt that child. If they accept, they send a Letter of Intent (LOI) to the CCAA, who in turn will send a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) and the rest of the paperwork gets done, allowing the family to travel to China and pick up their child.
Whew! Lots to take in.
We are participating in this program and have known that was the case for over a year. I'd be lying if I said the long wait didn't have something to do with it, but I see it more as a means, rather than an end. The wait got us to look at our options and explore our openness to things. When we did that, it just felt right.
Special Focus program
China has recently changed some policies and has now begun a new program. They designate children as Special Focus if they've been on the waiting child list for more than 60 days. They amazing thing they've done is to allow families to adopt a SF child and a waiting child at the same time. They also are allowing families to adopt a SF child up to a year after the finalization of the first adoption and allow you to re-use your dossier. What does this mean? it means we may be able to knock several thousand dollars and several months off of a second adoption. Yes, we are planning on adopting from China again, but certainly not at the same time as this first one. This is a very new program and it will be exciting seeing what happens with it.
So there you go. The fact of the matter is, there is absolutely no guarantee that a child, either adopted or biological, is not going to have health issues. Heaven knows we've had plenty of our own issues to deal with and while we don't wish illness on our child, we are acutely aware of how it is to be "the sick one" and still feel completely normal (or not).
I'll end this post on a more personal note as a reward for anyone who managed to wade through all the words. The other night we had another niece enter the family. Anytime a child is brought into our families it's a bitter sweet experience for me. I rejoice that the child and mother are healthy and well. I am saddened that we are still so far away from our own girl. I wonder if she is well. I wonder if she is cold. I mourn as I look at the dozens of photos of babies that our friends and family have, knowing that we will likely have only a tiny black and white photo of her as an infant. One tiny photo put into a newspaper to try to reunite her with her birth parents, and only if we are able to hunt it down.
In the midst of all this turmoil, I dreamt of our girl. I've had several dreams about her over the last year or so. I've seen her at several ages, but the other night was the youngest I've seen her. You know how typically in a dream faces are blurry or indistinct? I always see her very clearly. Over time, her face fades from my memory, but each dream helps it stay a little while longer. I replay her features in my mind to try to help them stay.
Most of the dreams are deeply personal and not something I share easily. I hesitate to even tell Kevin about them sometimes, but there is one dream that I don't mind sharing since I think it helps explain things much better than I can. It was my first dream about her. Well, technically it was two dreams.
One night, I dreamt that the wait for China was just too long and we decided to look into domestic adoption. Very quickly, a birth mom chose us and we were on our way to be parents. A little girl was born. She had light skin, blonde hair and dusty blue eyes. Frankly, she looked much like I imagine our birth child would look. I should have been excited, but as soon as they handed her to me I felt so sick. I knew that this wasn't our daughter. I woke myself up sobbing and saying over and over again that we should have waited and that it wasn't right. I think Kevin was a little freaked out. I put it out of my mind for the day and chalked it up to weird dream.
The next night I dreamt that we were in China. It was the day we were being given our daughter and we were so excited. They brought her to us and she hesitantly let Kevin pick her up. Within minutes she was enamoured of him and giggling as he made faces. I can still recall her laughter. She kept turning away from me, so I decided to just speak to her. I told her in Chinese that I was her mama and that she was a beautiful and good baby (Yes, I do actually know how to say this). Once she heard me speak she reached out and let me hold her. There was no worry about right and wrong choices, there was just conviction that she was ours and we were hers.
Here's hoping that it wont be too long before we no longer have to rely on dreams to visit each other.
Traditional:
About 95% of the children are girls. The kids are usually 6-18 months old (the first 6 months, China tries to find the birth parents/relatives, or get the child adopted domestically) at the time of referral and are considered healthy. Healthy is a relative term here. Almost all of China's orphans reside in orphanages, not foster care. A typical orphanage has many children and only so many care givers (women who are called aunties) and as such adoptive parents have to help their new children overcome issues such as development delays and bonding issues.
The popularity of this program has lead to some major delays. A few years ago, things started slowing down from 8-12 month wait to several years wait. It only gets longer each month. To give you an idea, when Kevin and I started looking into adopting, the wait was up to 3 years. It's now up to about 5 years. Families that submitted their dossier in June of 2006 are still waiting for their children.
Waiting Child:
These are children that China considers special needs. Now before you start fanning yourself and searching for your fainting couch, be advised that what China considers special needs, we wouldn't. Many are correctable, minor issues such as heart murmurs, cleft lip, facial birth marks, etc. Being over a certain age is considered a special need. There are, of course, more major needs as well, but agencies allow you to fill out paperwork indicating which special needs you would consider as well as the severity.
In this program, there are actually slightly more boys than girls (about 60%/40%) and the children range in age from 6 months up to 13 years. At 13 years old, children are no longer considered eligible for adoption and essentially become wards of the state, typically living in the orphanage and getting little education and fewer opportunities. The wait time is anywhere from 1-12 months after your dossier to China (DTC) date.
How it works, is the CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) puts out a list of waiting children to the agencies called a shared list. They will also send out small lists designated for specific agencies every few months. The agency looks at the parents requests and matches them to a child on the list. Essentially, they call "dibs" by locking down the file, which makes it so no one else can access the file, then they call the adoptive parents and release the file information to them. The parents can accept or reject the file, but they typically only have 72 hours to decide. If they reject the file, it unlocks and someone else can adopt that child. If they accept, they send a Letter of Intent (LOI) to the CCAA, who in turn will send a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) and the rest of the paperwork gets done, allowing the family to travel to China and pick up their child.
Whew! Lots to take in.
We are participating in this program and have known that was the case for over a year. I'd be lying if I said the long wait didn't have something to do with it, but I see it more as a means, rather than an end. The wait got us to look at our options and explore our openness to things. When we did that, it just felt right.
Special Focus program
China has recently changed some policies and has now begun a new program. They designate children as Special Focus if they've been on the waiting child list for more than 60 days. They amazing thing they've done is to allow families to adopt a SF child and a waiting child at the same time. They also are allowing families to adopt a SF child up to a year after the finalization of the first adoption and allow you to re-use your dossier. What does this mean? it means we may be able to knock several thousand dollars and several months off of a second adoption. Yes, we are planning on adopting from China again, but certainly not at the same time as this first one. This is a very new program and it will be exciting seeing what happens with it.
So there you go. The fact of the matter is, there is absolutely no guarantee that a child, either adopted or biological, is not going to have health issues. Heaven knows we've had plenty of our own issues to deal with and while we don't wish illness on our child, we are acutely aware of how it is to be "the sick one" and still feel completely normal (or not).
I'll end this post on a more personal note as a reward for anyone who managed to wade through all the words. The other night we had another niece enter the family. Anytime a child is brought into our families it's a bitter sweet experience for me. I rejoice that the child and mother are healthy and well. I am saddened that we are still so far away from our own girl. I wonder if she is well. I wonder if she is cold. I mourn as I look at the dozens of photos of babies that our friends and family have, knowing that we will likely have only a tiny black and white photo of her as an infant. One tiny photo put into a newspaper to try to reunite her with her birth parents, and only if we are able to hunt it down.
In the midst of all this turmoil, I dreamt of our girl. I've had several dreams about her over the last year or so. I've seen her at several ages, but the other night was the youngest I've seen her. You know how typically in a dream faces are blurry or indistinct? I always see her very clearly. Over time, her face fades from my memory, but each dream helps it stay a little while longer. I replay her features in my mind to try to help them stay.
Most of the dreams are deeply personal and not something I share easily. I hesitate to even tell Kevin about them sometimes, but there is one dream that I don't mind sharing since I think it helps explain things much better than I can. It was my first dream about her. Well, technically it was two dreams.
One night, I dreamt that the wait for China was just too long and we decided to look into domestic adoption. Very quickly, a birth mom chose us and we were on our way to be parents. A little girl was born. She had light skin, blonde hair and dusty blue eyes. Frankly, she looked much like I imagine our birth child would look. I should have been excited, but as soon as they handed her to me I felt so sick. I knew that this wasn't our daughter. I woke myself up sobbing and saying over and over again that we should have waited and that it wasn't right. I think Kevin was a little freaked out. I put it out of my mind for the day and chalked it up to weird dream.
The next night I dreamt that we were in China. It was the day we were being given our daughter and we were so excited. They brought her to us and she hesitantly let Kevin pick her up. Within minutes she was enamoured of him and giggling as he made faces. I can still recall her laughter. She kept turning away from me, so I decided to just speak to her. I told her in Chinese that I was her mama and that she was a beautiful and good baby (Yes, I do actually know how to say this). Once she heard me speak she reached out and let me hold her. There was no worry about right and wrong choices, there was just conviction that she was ours and we were hers.
Here's hoping that it wont be too long before we no longer have to rely on dreams to visit each other.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Round One: Complete!
... or two, or three, depending on your system of counting and general outlook on life.
We heard from the adoption agency today that our initial application (complete with first program fee) has been received. Huzzah! This now means the following:
Round two: FIGHT!!
--
National Geographic and the reporter Lisa Ling did an episode of Explorer called "China's Lost Girls," which was a very eye-opening look into what will happen when we go to China. This was shot in 2006; the main difference today is that now, through the traditional program, your wait might be up to five years. If you can find this whole program it's rather fascinating and more than a little touching. This will be us!
- Kevin
* gigantomongousness is measured in metric, rather than imperial units
** including, but not limited to, my brother sitting on my chest and arms and sticking blades of grass up my nose
*** there isn't
We heard from the adoption agency today that our initial application (complete with first program fee) has been received. Huzzah! This now means the following:
- We start the main dossier (the gigantomongous* pile of paper that gets sent to China
- We take a 10-hour parenting class
- We can start our our home study, whereupon a social worker drudges out horrible childhood memories** and ensures that there is no ritual sacrificing of goats going on in the backyard*** to make sure that we will be good parents
Round two: FIGHT!!
--
National Geographic and the reporter Lisa Ling did an episode of Explorer called "China's Lost Girls," which was a very eye-opening look into what will happen when we go to China. This was shot in 2006; the main difference today is that now, through the traditional program, your wait might be up to five years. If you can find this whole program it's rather fascinating and more than a little touching. This will be us!
- Kevin
* gigantomongousness is measured in metric, rather than imperial units
** including, but not limited to, my brother sitting on my chest and arms and sticking blades of grass up my nose
*** there isn't
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Journey Begins
Well, at least it begins openly. We've spent the better part of the last year and a half waiting to begin the waiting process that is adopting from China.
I suppose we should start at the beginning. Why China? Well, the short answer to that is that China is where our daughter is. The (slightly) longer version is this: We looked into many different adoption programs, both international and domestic and both felt really strongly about China. Unfortunately, amongst it's many requirements, there is an age requirement that both potential parents be 30. We decided adoption was the right choice for us in March 2009, but I was only 28. We felt strongly enough that China was where our daughter would be born that we waited not so patiently and pursued no other programs or options. To say that it sucked would be a bit kind. We tried to keep busy by studying Mandarin, learning more about the culture and people, and generally distracting ourselves from the wait.
Now we have finally reached a milestone. December 2010, the month we can finally begin paperwork. It's amazing to be able to move forward after all this time.
This blog will mostly be for friends and family to help explain the process and keep everyone updated on where we are at. Since that is the case, here is a very condensed version of what the process looks like and what we have to do.
1) Find and get accepted by an agency. Done! Our application was approved on Tuesday!
2) Put together our dossier. This is a whole buttload of paperwork that goes to China for them to approve. It includes a home study*, background checks, fingerprints, police records, references, medical exams, tax and income info, blah, blah, blah. It takes about 6 months to complete and so long as I am 30 when it arrives in China, we are good to go.
*a home study is done by a local agency and consists of 4 interviews with the couple, and in -home inspection and some parenting classes, I think.
3) Wait some more.
4) Get a referral! We are going through the waiting child program, so our agency will match us from a big shared list that China puts out each month. Essentially, you get a phone call and email with picture and medical records as well as a description of the child. You can have the records reviewed by a doctor and talk it over, but you have to decide on whether to accept the referral within 48 hours I think.
5) Stare at the one picture of your child you have for the next 3-5 months while paperwork continues going back and forth and China approves travel. Ah red tape.
6) Go to China. Adoptive parents are typically in China as a group for 2 weeks. We may go for a bit longer, if possible. You get handed your child in the first week and after the initial 24 hours, the adoption is considered finalized. You take oaths to care for the child, get their passport and whatnot and go home.
It's as simple as that! (Obviously, it's not simple or quick. That was sarcasm. Be prepared, there will be plenty more of that).
Anyway, I'll let Kevin fill in any details I missed. In the meantime, leave comments, ask questions, have some punch and pie! We're happy to be here and happy to have others on the journey with us.
I suppose we should start at the beginning. Why China? Well, the short answer to that is that China is where our daughter is. The (slightly) longer version is this: We looked into many different adoption programs, both international and domestic and both felt really strongly about China. Unfortunately, amongst it's many requirements, there is an age requirement that both potential parents be 30. We decided adoption was the right choice for us in March 2009, but I was only 28. We felt strongly enough that China was where our daughter would be born that we waited not so patiently and pursued no other programs or options. To say that it sucked would be a bit kind. We tried to keep busy by studying Mandarin, learning more about the culture and people, and generally distracting ourselves from the wait.
Now we have finally reached a milestone. December 2010, the month we can finally begin paperwork. It's amazing to be able to move forward after all this time.
This blog will mostly be for friends and family to help explain the process and keep everyone updated on where we are at. Since that is the case, here is a very condensed version of what the process looks like and what we have to do.
1) Find and get accepted by an agency. Done! Our application was approved on Tuesday!
2) Put together our dossier. This is a whole buttload of paperwork that goes to China for them to approve. It includes a home study*, background checks, fingerprints, police records, references, medical exams, tax and income info, blah, blah, blah. It takes about 6 months to complete and so long as I am 30 when it arrives in China, we are good to go.
*a home study is done by a local agency and consists of 4 interviews with the couple, and in -home inspection and some parenting classes, I think.
3) Wait some more.
4) Get a referral! We are going through the waiting child program, so our agency will match us from a big shared list that China puts out each month. Essentially, you get a phone call and email with picture and medical records as well as a description of the child. You can have the records reviewed by a doctor and talk it over, but you have to decide on whether to accept the referral within 48 hours I think.
5) Stare at the one picture of your child you have for the next 3-5 months while paperwork continues going back and forth and China approves travel. Ah red tape.
6) Go to China. Adoptive parents are typically in China as a group for 2 weeks. We may go for a bit longer, if possible. You get handed your child in the first week and after the initial 24 hours, the adoption is considered finalized. You take oaths to care for the child, get their passport and whatnot and go home.
It's as simple as that! (Obviously, it's not simple or quick. That was sarcasm. Be prepared, there will be plenty more of that).
Anyway, I'll let Kevin fill in any details I missed. In the meantime, leave comments, ask questions, have some punch and pie! We're happy to be here and happy to have others on the journey with us.
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