Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Another month

The short version is that we have at least another month before we get our LOA. 

The longer version is that we are still not out of translation, at least that our agency has heard, and it takes around 4 weeks to get LOA after the translation is complete.  Many who are a month behind us in this wait are now passing us by, completing their translation and looking forward to their LOA arriving any day.  There is a chance that we have completed translation and our agency just hasn't been notified.  I really don't think that's the case though.

You see, we are not short line people.  We had to wait 3 years to even start the paperwork for Nora's adoption, we had an 89 day wait for her LOA when the averages were in the 60 day range.  Some people are lucky and get things quickly.  We are not those people.

The short line people like to remind you that things will get better and to keep your chin up.  They tell you it will all be worth it once you are holding your child in your arms.  That you will forget the wait.  That you will surely hear something very soon.  Long line people know that the intention is good, but the words sting.  It is very easy to tell someone a wait will be over once you are through it.  It's easy to tell someone to keep their chin up and stay positive when the numbers have been on your side.  I do realize that the waiting is not forever, but I also know from personal experience that the wait is not forgotten.  It's worth it, but I felt every one of those 89 days, and I still do.  I am now feeling the addition of these 47.

It's easy to spout of trite things like "Just breathe" and joke about a child being in "long distance daycare" when it's not you in the middle of it.  I learned many years ago that all feelings are valid and are allowed to be felt.  My feelings are ok, even if they aren't happy or positive.  Most of the time they are, but right now I feel very like the weather outside my window.  Cloudy, stormy, and angry.

You see, all the positive affirmations in the world don't change the fact that I am missing days, weeks, months of my child's life because someone with my paperwork took a day off, or just didn't feel motivated enough to get around to my work.  I will miss first steps and first words because to that person I am just another stack of papers.  I will have to survive on 2 pages of info and 4 pictures of my boy for another month or more rather than holding him because I got lost in the shuffle of bureaucracy.

I realize people just want to say something to make it better, anything to make the load a little lighter, and I appreciate the intent.  I just wish that people would take a minute before telling me to "just smile through it" and imagine having a month with your child taken from you.  All their smiles, all their tears, all the hugs and silly things they do gone.  To be told to be happy and stay positive while you are missing so much.  Yes, there will be other days and eventually he will be ours and we will be his, but even when we are brought together, I will occasionally grieve the time we have lost. It just sucks, and that's really all you can say.

1 comment:

  1. I feel for you. As a fellow Utahn, I have been following your blog since your wait for Nora. We waited 110 days for LOA for our second adoption. I was in a really bad mood for most of that time, because while I knew we would eventually have our son, the reality is, he was growing up and I would never have that time with him. It stinks and it hurts when your child is not home with you. It will end, but it really does hurt now. Sending prayers your way.