And still we wait...

We've been asked a bunch over the last few weeks if we have any news or have heard anything. Unfortunately, no. The wait for LOA can take 3-4 months and sometimes longer. We have now been waiting just over two months (63 days for those who are counting). I assure you, we have felt every moment of those two months.

We've also been asked how we are doing. We appreciate so much that people care how we are holding up during this time. Honestly, some days are good and some days are bad. Nora's birthday was both. We'll post about the birthday soon, but tonight I just needed to write about other things.

So what sort of day was today? The day itself was quite good, but emotionally it was very hard. At church there was a program put on by the children. These have been hard for me for about 4 years, so it's not surprising that my emotions were on edge by the end of it. It's so hard seeing so many cute children waving to their moms and dads and knowing that our girl is still so far from us. Each week my mind obsesses over numbers and average wait times and holidays that affect the process and I see our hopes of traveling get pushed back and back until the idea that I once thought January or early February was possible is laughable. Now, I'm simply hoping it's not March, but it looks more likely.

There are plenty of people who have waited longer than us, and I feel awful for complaining when they have no LOA after over 4 months. It's just so messed up on all sides. They say adoption isn't for the fainthearted and, oh boy, that is an understatement and a half!

I got to hold Nora in my dreams again the other night. She warmed up to me quickly and wanted to play bouncy games on my knees. I heard her giggle for the first time. Sometimes the dreams are short, only a few minutes. Other times, like this one, it seems like I get to hold her for a few hours. of course, when I wake up she isn't there and the months of waiting we still have ahead of us seem to be shoved in my face. I worry that something will go wrong and we wont be allowed to adopt her, I worry that our paperwork will get lost and we'll be waiting even longer, I worry that on days when she is being particularly hard to deal with I will forget how much I ached for her to be with us. I know I'm being melodramatic, it's just been a hard few days (months, years, whatever).

In happier news, she has received the care package we sent to her and the home had a birthday party for her and a couple other kids with October birthdays and they even took some pictures (no, we don't have them yet). She may not be playing bouncy games with me, but she is being loved and played with and cared for by people who will probably never know how much it means to us. We'll get through this and someday it will only be a memory. In the meantime, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as well as those families who make our wait look like a joke. Here's hoping for some good news this week.