On pictures and updates

Ah, photos! Those little things we take so for granted in this age of digital cameras and instant gratification. Those little peaks into the lives of these kids that are so crucial to those of us waiting to bring them home.

It was hard the first month after her referral going from photos of her at 5-6 months to 11 months in the space of a week or two. I don't know if this is common knowledge, but kids grow and change a lot in that amount of time. I began to worry about how much she would have grown by the time we got there. I had delightful dreams where we were brought a rather sassy 12 year old and told we should have gotten there sooner. It's unreasonable, but I do worry about these things. Then, I am lucky enough to be given a new photo to obsess over. Like this one.

Clearly, an unhappy baby. This photo is less than 24 hours old, so I am assured that she is not, in fact, a teenager yet. I love her cute pink overalls, her full-face smile, and the fact that I can practically hear her sweet giggles.

Pictures and updates are both happy and sad for me. I go through a bit of an emotional sugar high with each one. Fortunately, I have learned the pattern of how they affect me, so I can deal with it.

Step 1: The High. Get new picture and lose focus on all the things I was supposed to do that day
Step 2: Memorize photo, email it to family, post on Facebook
Step 3: Obsess more over picture and look through all the photos again
Step 4: The Crash. Look at calendar and realize it's still quite a while until we will be able to be in the picture with her.
Step 5: Spend the rest of the week hoping for more pictures and being disappointed when they don't come. Pretend that I don't expect any while secretly hoping that I can trick the universe into sending me more.
Step 6: Distract myself with work and getting ready. Avoid looking at photos so as not to get too depressed. Feel bad that I don't look at all her photos everyday. Stop expecting any new information, for real this time.

I don't pretend that it makes any sense at all. I just know that by tomorrow morning I will probably be a bit down. Oh well, for today I get to see my girl.