Thursday, February 16, 2012

Jen's Post

I have de-latched the young one for a nap and am actually eating a bit of lunch (though quickly and surruptitiosly) and wanted to thank everyone for their nice comments and support. kevin reads them all to me while I try to get nora to stop fighting me/sleep/eating/everything. She is very strong and I am more than geting a workout. I know it will get better, and I will write a decent post tonight, hopefully, but let me say this is hard in ways i never thought it would be. I got a nasty cold on our last day in Beijing and my energy was already low as my body ried to heal itself. Of course, it wasn't able to much because of the (not so) tiny little wonder who has decided that i am the only thing she can cling to right now. It will get better, I know that, and there are moment of absolute wonder and joy, but there are lows. Oh such lows for both of us as we try to learn to be what each other needs and try to figure out how to work kevin into the equation. Here's the thing. Nora's behaviour toward me is not love, or trust, or attachment. It is desperation. it is a tiny little girl who has gone though absolutely terrifying situations before she was even 1 year old. She has lost her birthmom, and every other caretaker she's ever had and her desperate grip on me is merely her being determined to survive by not losing another caretaker. For me, there is so much love, but for her she is wary of placing her affection on another transient entity. in time it will chage, but in the meantime I hold back the tears from her eyes as she wakes from her naps crying for Mama and definitely not meaning me. It will get better, and in many ways it has, but each new day has new struggles, so please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. That she may come to trust Kevin, that she will know when she wakes we will be there, that we may earn the trust of this wonderful sweet girl who has already made our lives so much greater than before.

7 comments:

  1. i am sorry parts of this recent journey are difficult. it will get better as you continue to show sweet nora your love and as time passes & she realizes you are in it for eternity. you two are amazing- be patient with yourselves, nora, and the situation. this is parenthood- adoption or not.
    btw, abby saw nora's picture and got very excited, pointing and talking. she will love playing with her and becoming friends. they are so close in age!!!

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  2. You are doing wonderful, Jen. Hold fast. It will get better. The work is hard and the reward is great...but it's okay to be honest! And you should be! You are right, she will, in time, get to where she trusts you and has faith that you won't leave her. It's just a process. And I know it's a painful one for her especially but for you as well as you watch her grieve and "survive". We will pray for you all!

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  3. I've always loved your honesty, Jen. I'm sorry you're sick! It all sounds hard enough without illness. I hope you get better soon! We are praying for the three of you and thinking about you often. We love you guys.

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  4. I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I wish some of us were there to lend some support! Even though it's a different parenting situation, I remember many sleepless nights when everything seemed so hard. The morning does come, though, and all you can do is what you are already doing. You guys have made so much progress in such a short time. We will keep up the prayers. Love you guys!

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  5. You two are so rational about the entire process of having and rearing a child - especially in such a unique situation. I have faith that when you guys reach home, are in a stable and more comfortable environment, have Tikka and Curry helping out, that Nora will make the adjustment from "clingy" to "lovey". I'm sure you 5 will work it out!

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  6. Ni hao! Sorry that it's been a bumpy road with Nora, glad that things are improving. We can't wait to meet her in the next day or two! We've definitely had our lows with Lucy as well; hang in there and we're thinking about you!

    ~Jason & Christie

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